Methinks I’ll use Fridays to post any bits of humor that I might manage to concoct. Henceforth, it shall be known as “Humor Friday”. Unless it’s not funny. In which case, it shall be known as “Friday”. Huzzah.
People ask me “Are you on FaceBook?” to which I say “No!”. I then revel in the contorted facial expressions that expose the various stages of shock, denial, anger and horror that the question’s originator go through. I now feel the need to explain myself more in-depth.
Usually people assume that I, as a technology professional, will take issue with the massive insecurity and privacy issues that plague the book of faces. That’s not even on my top 25 list. I have more “basic” objections. Like not wanting to be tracked down by that weird uncle with the knife collection.
I sat down and thought about it, and came up with ten of my best reasons. Here they are.
- I don’t want to be your friend.
- Face it, you don’t want to be my friend either. You’re just in it for the numbers.
- I don’t want tangible evidence of how few friends I have.
- I don’t like being stalked and murdered.
- I don’t want you or anyone else writing the latest internet meme on my wall (even though I really lol at them all).
- I don’t want to see self portraits of you in the bathroom mirror.
- I don’t want to risk accidentally clicking “Like” on any news item involving Twilight, Corona Beer or Orlando Bloom (even though his pimples look better then me).
- If I wanted to keep in contact with my High School classmates, I wouldn’t have faked my own death when I was 18.
- I do not need to know that certain of my family members belong to the group “I Tend to Fart in Public” even though I have a pretty good idea who they are.
- Did I say that I don’t want to be your friend?