10 Reasons Why I’m Not on FaceBook

Methinks I’ll use Fridays to post any bits of humor that I might manage to concoct. Henceforth, it shall be known as “Humor Friday”. Unless it’s not funny. In which case, it shall be known as “Friday”. Huzzah.

People ask me “Are you on FaceBook?” to which I say “No!”. I then revel in the contorted facial expressions that expose the various stages of shock, denial, anger and horror that the question’s originator go through. I now feel the need to explain myself more in-depth.

Usually people assume that I, as a technology professional, will take issue with the massive insecurity and privacy issues that plague the book of faces. That’s not even on my top 25 list. I have more “basic” objections. Like not wanting to be tracked down by that weird uncle with the knife collection.

I sat down and thought about it, and came up with ten of my best reasons. Here they are.

10 Reasons Why I’m Not on FaceBook:
  1. I don’t want to be your friend.
  2. Face it, you don’t want to be my friend either. You’re just in it for the numbers.
  3. I don’t want tangible evidence of how few friends I have.
  4. I don’t like being stalked and murdered.
  5. I don’t want you or anyone else writing the latest internet meme on my wall (even though I really lol at them all).
  6. I don’t want to see self portraits of you in the bathroom mirror.
  7. I don’t want to risk accidentally clicking “Like” on any news item involving Twilight, Corona Beer or Orlando Bloom (even though his pimples look better then me).
  8. If I wanted to keep in contact with my High School classmates, I wouldn’t have faked my own death when I was 18.
  9. I do not need to know that certain of my family members belong to the group “I Tend to Fart in Public” even though I have a pretty good idea who they are.
  10. Did I say that I don’t want to be your friend?
That should clear things up a bit. Got any better reasons that I missed?


  1. jreypo

    June 15, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    You can say more loud but not more clear, fully agree with you Wesley.
    The “Usually people assume that I, as a technology professional, will take issue with the massive insecurity and privacy issues that plague the book of faces…” is the part that annoys me the most, people take for granted that because I’m a geek I have to use Facebook 😛

    BTW I like so much the new look, used to read your posts through G-Reader and didn’t see it :-)


    • Wesley.Nonapeptide

      June 15, 2010 at 2:52 pm

      Glad you like the new look! I think I’ll keep it for a while. I could tinker with it forever, but I’ve got to just pick something and stick with it.

      I’m thinking of making a new post: “10 reasons why I’m not on LinkedIn”

      1) You can’t fool me. It’s FaceBook for people who didn’t drop out of college.


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